The CEO & Founder of I Deserve Love, Jacqueline Fae, has authored several books including “Attracting the Love of Your Life: 30-Day Manifestation Guide” and “The Faery Matchmaker”. With 20 years of experience as a celebrity matchmaker, Jacqueline serves clients from their 20s to their 80s in pursuit of love. With 85,000 followers on Instagram, Jacqueline is a former actress from LA who is also a hypnotherapy expert. She has ultimately found her passion as a love manifestation coach.
What is the impact of social media on breakup culture? Are there certain expectations?
Breakup culture is much more difficult in the era of social media. Everyone has pictures of their significant other online, so if they were to ever break up everyone will immediately know, whether that’s through the photos being deleted or they suddenly stop posting them. In general, it’s always important to communicate with your partner. Let them know what your thoughts and feelings are, especially from the beginning of your relationship. Some people are very private and aren’t on social media at all, whereas others absolutely love it. This is where relationships can be tough if one partner is an influencer and they get into a relationship with someone who doesn’t like social media. Considering the difference in their values they are going to have a harder time making it work. I’ve actually seen relationships fail because one partner gets so sick of constantly taking pictures and having their relationship projected onto social media. Social media etiquette is a brand-new value that people need to consider when getting into a relationship. Of course, there are ways to work around it. Try to take all your pictures or videos when your partner is not around. It’s important to respect their values and needs.
When it comes to a breakup, is there such a thing as a “soft launch”?
A “soft launch” of a breakup is when you slowly let the world know that you and your ex have now separated. For instance, on Facebook, you may take down your status. For other platforms, this includes taking down only a few pictures, not all of them. This is a gentle approach to letting everyone know you’ve broken up but you’re not being upfront about it.
How do karmic partners work? Why should we pay attention to this trend and how does it translate into real life?
A person that you knew in a past life, before your current life on Earth, is a karmic partner. A karmic deal is made between the two partners which essentially is a lesson you must learn in this present life. For example, the lesson may be how to love yourself or discover the importance of friendship. So, when you meet this person in real life you may be overwhelmed with how connected you feel to them. It is as if you’ve known them for years even though you just met. With karmic partners the lessons they teach you can be extremely intense. You’ll know they are a karmic partner because of the instant connection and attachment you experience. Pay close attention to this trend because it may help you later in the future. By educating yourself and trying to understand what a karmic partner is, you will help yourself grow in life and give depth to the relationship you may have with a karmic connection. Also, if you end up having a traumatic breakup with this person, especially if the connection is strong, it will make the process of grieving and growing smoother. On a spiritual level, you will evolve because you have learned whatever the lesson was, allowing you to have an easier time moving forward.
What are the reasons why couples avoid red flags?
As human beings, we ignore red flags because we want so badly for a relationship to work. Failing at anything in life is a difficult pill to swallow, especially when it is a relationship. Some people desire a relationship so badly, it’s something they’ve wanted for such a long time, that no matter how many red flags there may be, they will do everything in their power to make it work. It’s easier to brush red flags under the rug and pretend they aren’t there instead of dealing with the pain of a relationship ending.
Can you really manifest “Real Love”?
You can manifest whatever you want if you put your mind to it and trust the universe. Manifestation is to create the outcome that you want. Love manifestation is to create love and a person in your life. I would say that manifestation is real and I know that it is real because I have seen it work firsthand for myself. If you would have told me 6 years ago that I would be happily married with kids, I would never have believed you. I’ve seen the techniques work for my clients and my friends, so I would say manifestation magic is real.
One exercise that I have my clients work with is visualization, where they do meditation and picture their ideal partner. Another exercise I ask my clients to practice is creating a list of 8 qualities they want in a partner. When doing both these exercises it’s extremely important you are specific and reframe from listing surface-level qualities. For instance, handsome, tall, and wealthy. Of course, these are great qualities in a partner, but they don’t always manifest exactly into what you actually want. When you make this list, you are not only allowing yourself to create your ideal partner and place them into the universe, but you’re giving yourself the opportunity to look deep within yourself and explore what you actually are looking for. This is a wonderful, reflective exercise because a lot of the time you don’t even know where to begin or what you actually may want in a partner.
What’s that one mistake you see couples make at the beginning of their relationship?
One mistake I see couples make at the beginning of a relationship is when they jump ship way too quickly. One little mistake or fight will happen and then all of a sudden they decide the relationship is just not working. Instead of putting in the work to make the relationship last, they run. I think this comes from swipe-right culture. There are so many options just at the tips of our fingers you could literally go on an app and get 10 dates tomorrow if you really wanted to. I see this with my clients a lot. The swipe-right culture is addictive and makes you think that there is always someone prettier or better than the person you may be with at the moment. This goes hand and hand with jumping ship too quickly. People are so quick to give up because they think the endless amount of options is an easy fix. It’s easy to get distracted by the wrong qualities and be lazy with relationships because they truly take a lot of work and time. It’s important to remember, quality over quantity.
How has relationship coaching changed or improved the overall quality of your life? What changes or improvements have you noticed in your life since you started relationship coaching?
I definitely think it’s made my life better. I have so much gratitude that I have a partner who is open to putting the work into our relationship. From the things I see my clients go through, I’m very fortunate that my husband is evolved and a great communicator. Of course, our relationship isn’t perfect, just like everyone else, but being a relationship expert has taught me how to talk to someone. For instance, if we get into a tiff, knowing his anger patterns, how he is going to react, or his love language helps not only our relationship grow stronger but my matchmaking abilities. What’s helped more than anything is that we have an agreement. We aren’t going to jump ship because no matter how bad it gets I know I will have his back and he will have mine. I think this is something a lot more people need to do with their relationships. Take an oath or agree that you will do anything to heal your relationship and nurture it. If for whatever it ends, you promise that you will do everything in your power to end it amicably.
How do you help your clients overcome the most common challenges? If so, what steps do you take to help them cope?
As I mentioned, a common challenge I see with my clients is whenever something small happens or goes wrong they want to run. They always come back to me as a matchmaker and ask me to instantly match them with someone new. I try to show them that you can work through the problems you have in your relationship. Realizing what you have in front of you is also important. Look at the positives in your relationship and realize that every other couple has its ups and downs. It will never be 100% happy all the time and that is okay! If 75% of the time or more you and your partner are happy, you are in a healthy relationship. If more than 50% of the time you are unhappy and arguing, your relationship needs some work or some major reevaluation.
The steps I do with my clients involve us sitting down and discussing the positive qualities of their partner. Primarily, I remind them that a relationship is a two-way street. I remind them that it’s not just their partner’s fault when something isn’t working. The truth is that a relationship takes two and both partners must take responsibility for their own actions to future out what truly is wrong. How can you work on yourself while your partner is working on themselves? Sometimes a partner may not care to put in the work and if that’s the case then it’s absolutely right to end the relationship.
In your opinion, what is the hallmark of a loving, sustainable relationship?
A hallmark of a loving, sustainable relationship is unconditional love. There are things that annoy you about your partner but at some point in your relationship they suddenly don’t annoy you anymore. You learn to love and accept their flaws. Also, you both have a mutual understanding and agreement that you will work together to make the relationship healthy through the ups and downs.
If you were asked for advice, what would you say to all those wishing for love but not finding it?
Be more open. Love never comes in the package you think it will come in. It’s best to be open and ready to receive whatever may be coming your way. Love is funny like that – it’s here to teach us a lesson and usually that lesson in love is with someone you would never have expected to be in a relationship with. It’s all about the journey with that person. Learn, grow, and evolve together.