Why do some couples go through failure, disappointment and burnout right after the honeymoon phase is over? Why do one or both of the partners begin to control each other or even start doubting if their spouse really loves them? Some even go through anxiety, because they feel that lifetime commitment was not a correct decision.
Marriage consultant experts believe those who develop these negative feelings during the first years of married life have a perfectionist personality which pushes them to have a non-realistic picture of marriage and love life and over expectations about their partner. At the end of the day, no one, literally no one, is perfect in this world and imperfection is a big challenge that obsessed people face in all aspects of their life.
Perfectionism is actually a trait or a learned attitude that is mainly shaped in childhood due
to reasons, such as having highly critical and perfectionist parents, over praising for achievements rather than the child’s efforts by parents, having successful siblings, experiencing parent’s divorce, and so many more. A perfectionist always makes an endless effort to achieve an impossibly high standard; they cannot tolerate any imperfection or normal standards in their life. Perfectionists are never satisfied with what they do and this feeling leads them to failure or giving up on their goal. They fear taking new steps or even learning new skills and fail in relationships and married life. These people, experience depression, anxiety,and panic attacks more than others, and sometimes they become anti -social and isolated.
PERFECTIONISTS HAVE UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS OF THEIR RELATIONSHIPS
Perfectionists expect their relationship or married life to always be like a honeymoon. They idealize their partner in advance, and when their love life goes on its normal routine the expectations of having a flawless partner are never met, and here is the moment that the idealism bubble bursts and the feeling of dissatisfaction and failure takes place. This causes a serious gap between the perfectionists and their partner that can lead to a breakup or divorce.
PERFECTIONISTS ARE HYPERSENSITIVE
This group of people are hypersensitive, because they carry loads of internal pressure,.They go deep into their partner’s social and emotional behaviors in detail, such as their eating habits, their clothing style, the way they talk, and more. This is actually one of the main reasons that they push their partners away from them.
PERFECTIONISTS CAN NOT FORGIVE
For a perfectionist, their partner not meeting their unrealistic expectations is an unforgivable mistake. This behavior of a perfectionist person leads a happy relationship into a toxic relationship,and no on can tolerate such condition in long term, even if they are totally in love.
PERFECTIONISTS ALWAYS LOOK FOR A BETTER PARTNER
It is completely expectable, those who are always trying to have everything impossibly perfect often
think there could better a match for them out there than their imperfect partner.
PERFECTIONISTS ARE SECRETLY JEALOUS
This characteristic is accompanied with jealousy of other people’s success, especially their partner’s. Since a perfectionist can never achieve their accomplishments the way that they want, while they might celebrate their loved one’s successes, in their heart they always wish it was them.
PERFECTIONISTS COMPARE THEIR RELATIONSHIPS TO OTHER’S
This group of people always has their eyes on other people’s relationships, as they feel their relationship isn’t enough and they wish their love life was like other’s, without knowing what is really going on in other’s day to day life.
PERFECTIONISTS ARE SELF-HATERS
As per the psychologists perfectionists hate themselves. They have a highly self-critical personality, and they believe they are never good enough. That is why, when it comes to the relationships, they always put themselves down . Honestly, marry someone who always belittles themselves won’t result a happy love life.
HOW TO AVOID PERFECTIONISM:
Cognitive-behavioral therapy is one the best ways to treat perfectionism. This kind of therapy introduces new ways of thinking, coping with anxiety, and achieving goals such as:
1- Learn the skill of acceptance .
2- Avoid black and white thinking.
3- Set a realistic achievements.
4- Focus on one task at a time.
5- Take a smaller steps to avoid getting overwhelmed.
6- Face challenges and failures by looking at the bigger image .
7- Acknowledge that no one is perfect in this world and that making a mistake is a way to achieve the
goal.
