Sometimes, trying to please our loved ones and all the people around us makes us “lose” ourselves in the process, without us recognizing it at all. Unfortunately, we tend to focus on everyone else but we forget the one important person we need to take care of, and that is, ourselves.
There are times when we lose a loved one, say, a family member: father, mother, children, sibling, a lover or even our jobs. If that happens, some of us tend to get depressed, anxious, irritable and dejected. To lose someone you loved is hard to take, especially if you have made that someone the “center” of your life. Although people always say that “time heals all wounds,” we all have different ways of reacting and accepting our “wounds” and how we deal with them. What is good for one person may not be good or the same with the other.
No amount of words could console us if we have lost a loved one and we tend to grieve for a long period of time. Others would tell you to “forget your pain and just move on.” However, this is easier said than done. Believe me, once you lose someone you loved so deeply, you will never be the same person again. There are no words to describe the pain one feels when he or she loses a loved one. Sad to say, some people would sink deeper and deeper in their pain, that they eventually lose themselves and become miserable for a long period of time.
The good news is, it doesn’t have to stay that way. Speaking from my own experience, I have discovered that despite the pain, heartaches, miseries and disappointments we encounter in our lives, we can still rediscover our lost selves. All it takes is determination and will to overcome these things that pull us down. Below are time-tested ways that will help you reconnect with your old self and appreciate your life better:
Give yourself a chance to grieve- This is the first step in rediscovering your true self and overcoming your pain or whatever difficulties you are facing. Some people think that crying or grieving is a sign of “weakness.” However, it takes a strong person to admit that he or she is hurting or grieving and much more, to cry. By giving yourself a time to cry or grieve, you are actually starting your “healing process.” When I lost my beloved mother six years ago, I was so shocked that I did not shed a single tear the day she died. Even after she was buried, I put up a strong face and did not cry to the surprise of my siblings and relatives. For many years, I kept my pain inside of me but it finally took its toll on my health. I started losing sleep, losing weight and losing sight of who I was. Finally, one day, I looked at my mirror and I told myself that it was “okay to cry.” So, five years after my mother’s death, I finally released a bucket of tears that I never thought I had bottled up inside my heart. After that, I felt much better and from that time, I decided that I would allot a “crying time” for myself, whenever I have problems or life is getting me down. And you know what? It really works!
Know what you believe in – The second thing you must do is you need to identify what are the things that you truly believed in and what your values are so you can focus on them and make them your guide as you go through a difficult moment in your life. Ask yourself: What do I want? What do I believe in? What are my values? This will help you discover who you really are and what makes you happy and satisfied in yourself. It will also help you make wise decisions, be confident and be inspired to do more than you could ever imagine for yourself.
Pray – When you are feeling lost, unloved, rejected, uninspired and unappreciated by the people you love, the best thing to do is to “pray” and meditate. Words are not enough to describe the power that prayers have. Praying helps your soul reconnect with your old self and your Creator. It will give you the strength you need to navigate life and at the same time, provide you with the guidance you seek in search of your lost self. People who always pray appear to be happy, satisfied and at peace with themselves and their neighbors. They experience indescribable peace and joy in their hearts and this helps them reconnect with their spiritual inner self.
Take time out for yourself- When you are feeling empty and totally lost, the best thing to do is to take time out for yourself. This will help you “recharge” and “reconnect” with your old self. Go out and find a place where you could sit down, read a book, eat your favorite ice cream or just simply be alone. Time spent alone is important to your well-being. It is the time to do what makes you happy, what you want to do so you can be your true self. As for me, I always make sure that I have time alone for myself. During weekends, I allot a few hours for my “me time” and I do whatever my heart fancies, be it watching an old movie, listening to classical music, singing, dancing, playing with my dog, taking a long shower or simply writing. This helps me catch up with my old self and gives me a feeling of peace and contentment.
Spend time with nature –Stepping outside your house and getting close to nature is one of the best ways to rediscover yourself. In my experience, whenever I was feeling down, lost or empty, I would get out of the house and walk to the beach, just a few blocks away from my place and sit down in the sand and just stare in the water in front of me for an hour or so. Being near the water and nature helps me to relax and be reconnected with myself and with my surroundings. The joy that nature brings to my heart is immeasurable.
Remove negative people in your life –By removing negative people in your life, it doesn’t mean that you hate them. It simply means that you are giving yourself a chance to “heal.” You need some time to distance yourself from people who mistreat you, abuse you, gossip about you, put you down or betray you. These types of people more often than not, would cause you to lose faith in yourself and drag you down completely. So the best thing to do is to cut off communication with them permanently so you can move on with your life and rediscover your old self.
Write down your thoughts – It doesn’t matter whether you use a pen or a laptop to write down your thoughts. What is important is that you have put down in writing what you are feeling at the moment as a way of facing whatever was bothering you. Writing gives you a chance to express your inner thoughts, desires, likes and dislikes and helps you to better understand what is really going on inside of your mind and heart. Whenever I was feeling overwhelmed by work, people or situations, I would sit down in front of my computer and start clicking on the keyboard. Over the years, I have discovered that writing is actually therapeutic for me and it keeps me attuned with my inner self and creative side. It also helps me appreciate my God-given talent and recognize my value as person.