If David Attenborough were to narrate a day of Tinder interactions he’d either have a field day or a heart attack.
Though the world’s dating app users have had 12 months of lockdowns and zumping to refine their skills, many are still acting like they’re at Glastonbury Festival 2012 – if the latest submissions to Instagram account ‘beam me up softboi’ are anything to go by.
‘Beam me up softboi’ is an Instagram account where submissions, mostly from women, detail the hilarious f*ck ups of the (mostly) guys they are dating.
Taking to Instagram, the account yesterday posted the following gem which, if you’re not careful, will make you cringe for a week.
“I’m probably the only genuine guy you’ll meet on Tinder: I’ve got a lot of hubris, I don’t like cheap things and I certainly don’t like being around small-minded people. So, I’d understand if you swiped left.”
Start with a bang, why don’t you.
It continues: “Is there anything better than pussy? Yes, a really good book. Finding for people who vibe with my music/movie taste. I enjoy conversation about history and current affairs too!”
“Yes, I read your entire bio and view your Spotify top artists/anthem before swiping.”
At the risk of sounding like John Oliver… is this a joke?
Don’t take it from us: the comments alongside the post detail the profile’s many errors beautifully.
Some parodied the profile: “Do you like Hubris Lewis and The News? Their early work was a little too new wave for my tastes, but when Sports came out in ’83, I think they really came into their own, commercially and artistically.”
“I love hubris, the red pepper garlic one is so good.”
Others criticised how proud it was of its music taste: “average radiohead enjoyer.”
“Dudes first mistake was putting a Radiohead song on his tinder profile.”
Others came to his defence. One wrote: “Weird fishes is such a great song tbh.”